seeking to forgive
Thursday, October 18, 2007
There were several articles on forgiveness published on several written medias. I find it apt what with the season of forgiveness during this Syawal celebration. The article highlights anger consumes a lot of energy and by forgiving you are not only patting yourself at the back but releasing a huge amount of energy as well. It has also written that forgiveness is never about forgetting. So excuse your mothers, wives, fiancées and girlfriend for bringing up decade old grandma stories eventhough she profusely admits she has indeed forgiven you. *wink*
Then there is also this radio show that speaks on the ethics of forgiveness. The speaker mentioned that there are 3 types of forgiving people; (i) those that forgive without the malefactor asking for forgiveness (the best of its kind), (ii) those that forgive after the malefactor asks for forgiveness and (iii) those who does not forgive at all eventhough the malefactor had ask for forgiveness.
Anyways, I am not proud of this but most of the time, I fall under the second kind. Very rarely the first but never the third. What this means is, if you have wronged me and have yet to apologize, I will not forgive you. Sounds a little dramatic but with the commotion and roller coaster you put in, I think it is only fair. So far the counter has been set with 2 people. One of the people is a man, with a case that erupted a few years back. I bumped into him occasionally, which creates not only tension that can be cut in half but a feeling of being ripped apart again and again. Another person is a woman, who heartlessly made a fuss on something very private. Their fault is sparingly different but the 1 common thing that this 2 person share is that, they betrayed my trust.
I can get very vindictive when someone betrays my trust, regardless who the person is. I would not think twice on cutting ties with them. It would be an entirely different story if it was just some silly cat fights or a misunderstanding or some stupid squabbles. I would definitely get over it and even forgive the person almost instantaneously. But heed this, you screw with the wrong person if you are toying with trust; the friendship comes to a yield and to a point of no return. Nonetheless, if he/she asks for forgiveness, I would forgive (but not forget) and would try to salvage the friendship or whatever that is left.
This anger and hurt has definitely become an excess baggage for me. However, it is an excess I am willing to carry it with me. Maybe some of you would be tempted to persuade/advice/force me to forgive but earnestly (and stubbornly), I can’t and I won’t. Sounds very egocentric, I admit. As absurd that this may sound, my anger towards them has actually made me stronger. I know now how to select friends well and how to just make do without those who make your life hell.
But then again, what would you suggest I do when you have clearly inform them that what they did was wrong and yet they acted like its nothing, that they should be automatically forgiven for their ‘flaws’. Good riddance!
There has been countless times that I have prayed to God, asking for strength to forgive but every time I tried, I am reminded with their ‘deeds’ and the anger starts burning again. God willing, I hope one day I find peace, courage and strength to forgive.
Speaking about forgiveness, I think I have covered everyone in asking for their forgiveness. However, if you feel I have wronged you, I’d really appreciate if you could be forthcoming and say so via sms/face-to-face/phonecall/email (other means will be permanently ignored). InsyaAllah, I would ask for your forgiveness in a proper manner.
Selamat Hari Raya.
Then there is also this radio show that speaks on the ethics of forgiveness. The speaker mentioned that there are 3 types of forgiving people; (i) those that forgive without the malefactor asking for forgiveness (the best of its kind), (ii) those that forgive after the malefactor asks for forgiveness and (iii) those who does not forgive at all eventhough the malefactor had ask for forgiveness.
Anyways, I am not proud of this but most of the time, I fall under the second kind. Very rarely the first but never the third. What this means is, if you have wronged me and have yet to apologize, I will not forgive you. Sounds a little dramatic but with the commotion and roller coaster you put in, I think it is only fair. So far the counter has been set with 2 people. One of the people is a man, with a case that erupted a few years back. I bumped into him occasionally, which creates not only tension that can be cut in half but a feeling of being ripped apart again and again. Another person is a woman, who heartlessly made a fuss on something very private. Their fault is sparingly different but the 1 common thing that this 2 person share is that, they betrayed my trust.
I can get very vindictive when someone betrays my trust, regardless who the person is. I would not think twice on cutting ties with them. It would be an entirely different story if it was just some silly cat fights or a misunderstanding or some stupid squabbles. I would definitely get over it and even forgive the person almost instantaneously. But heed this, you screw with the wrong person if you are toying with trust; the friendship comes to a yield and to a point of no return. Nonetheless, if he/she asks for forgiveness, I would forgive (but not forget) and would try to salvage the friendship or whatever that is left.
This anger and hurt has definitely become an excess baggage for me. However, it is an excess I am willing to carry it with me. Maybe some of you would be tempted to persuade/advice/force me to forgive but earnestly (and stubbornly), I can’t and I won’t. Sounds very egocentric, I admit. As absurd that this may sound, my anger towards them has actually made me stronger. I know now how to select friends well and how to just make do without those who make your life hell.
But then again, what would you suggest I do when you have clearly inform them that what they did was wrong and yet they acted like its nothing, that they should be automatically forgiven for their ‘flaws’. Good riddance!
There has been countless times that I have prayed to God, asking for strength to forgive but every time I tried, I am reminded with their ‘deeds’ and the anger starts burning again. God willing, I hope one day I find peace, courage and strength to forgive.
Speaking about forgiveness, I think I have covered everyone in asking for their forgiveness. However, if you feel I have wronged you, I’d really appreciate if you could be forthcoming and say so via sms/face-to-face/phonecall/email (other means will be permanently ignored). InsyaAllah, I would ask for your forgiveness in a proper manner.
Selamat Hari Raya.
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